Buzzphrase.


University of Denver publicist Bud Mayer was cleaning his desk when he came up
with an invaluable aid for speech writers, public relations directors and
bureaucrats.  It was given to him by Tom Goodale, A DU vice chancellor.

Skillfully used, the Buzzphrase Generator will permit you to "baffle your
friends and amaze reporters with your lack of clarity."  It will also help in
the writing of speeches guaranteed to put listeners to sleep.

"Below you will find the Buzzphrase Generator, a new language machine favored
by bureaucrats; educators, politicians and a rare breed of K-Mart managers.  It
consists of three paragraphs of buzzwords, each numbered zero to nine."

   *    (0) integrated.(1) total. (2) systematized. (3) parallel.
        (4) functional. (5) responsive. (6) optical. (7)
        synchronized. (8) compatible (9) balanced.

   *    (0) management. (1) organizational. (2) monitored. (3)
        reciprocal. (4) digital. (5) logic. (6) transitional. (7)
        incremental. (8) third-generation. (9) policy.

   *    (0) options. (1) flexibility. (2) capability. (3) mobility.
        (4) programming. (5) concept. (6) timephase. (7) projection.
        (8) hardware. (9) contingency.

The Buzzword generator is simplicity itself.  That's the beauty of it.  The
smallest of minds can master it in moments.  An infinite number of monkey s
with alike number of Buzzword Generators would ultimately duplicate every
government directive ever written.

Ready, class?  OK, here's how it works:  Think of any three=digit number.
doesn't matter what it is. Colorado Governor Roy Romer lives at 400 E. Eighth
Ave.  Let's run 400 through our buzzword Generator to see what happens.

We take (4) from the first paragraph, (0) from the second and (0) from the
third.  And what do we get?  "Functional management options."  Isn't that
beautiful? Romer should certainly be able to work that into his next squabble
with the Legislature over its usurping gubernatorial powers.

Denvers only real mayor, Mayor William McNichols,  Translated by our little
handy-dandy Buzzword Generator, we get "synchronized digital concept." Piece of
cake to incorporate that in any explanation of budget increases.

Try it yourself!